pain of love ....

The truth is....

as much as i want to be with someone right now-- i need to be the man i want to be with
i finally sleep well at night
i miss my best friend-- she went away two weeks ago.
i love my fam
i love my freinds
i'm sad
i feel like i'm getting depressed
might be time to go back to the pysch
my job keeps me busy
i'm smart n yet dumb
i'm afraid
i need to go to god
i know some sorta connection- although i just feel like distancing myself from everything
there somethings about myself that i don't like
i'm hard on myself-- sometimes too much
i'm getting older and now i understand so much more n yet not enough
i want to be in love
i want to be a good friend
i've choosen to forgive my father
i loves my moms
and i've forgiven her for not loving me about when i was little
sometimes i still feel little although i weigh 72 kgs
thick is in & i loves to eat
i love me
i feel pity for Left because i understand where he is at & i just feel sad that he cant love himself
my anger has turned to sadness
i'm proud of myself
i'm sleepy
its been so long since i've kissed his lips n i yearn for the taste of her saliva
i need to work on my self esteem
i often downplay or think that attractive men won't find me atttractive or i have nothing to offer
i sometimes think i'm boring
i'm a success n yet a failure
i try too hard
i need to relax
i think too much
i'm loved
i have so much growing to do
i miss who i used to be
but looking forward to the man i've become
i love him
i used to not love myself
my hands n feet are out of sync with my body
my limbs keep me on top of the ground
my feet need to spawn out n relax--get wet in the water
i'm afraid to get hurt yet i know its inevitable
i cried the last time i held Left---
i can no longer love Left because he doesn't love himself
i love me more than any man i've ever met
i just lied
i still believe n romance n love at 1st sight
i want to look into my mates eyes n see honesty--
my leg still hurts from when i got shot
my left foot barely touches the ground
my hips are awkward
the cords which were supposed to whisk my life away
yet i still breath
i'm happy that i'm still alive
i have hope
i believe in something better
in someone better-- maybe it's god but i refer to it as the universe
i have many angels watching over me
i'm bored
i urn for adventure
i love too hard
i dont trust easily
i have difficulty trusting myself & others
i've been hurt
i'm not good at what i would love to do
it's difficult for me to be truthful & truth is what i strive for